Thursday, November 17, 2011

Silence is deafening...


Bare with me here.

I need to just talk.....or shall I say, write.

I'm going through a rough time right now. It all started yesterday. Honestly though, this has been a rough month. It was fantastic in some parts, then it went sour once again.

So, I was sitting here a moment ago. You know when normal, familiar sounds can be comforting? You find peace in them. In my case, while sitting here, those sounds became overwhelming.

It's quiet yet, I hear the sounds of cars, birds, a neighbor pounding a hammer, or even the humming in my ear. The quiet became deafening. Then I felt the stress building in my chest. I want to run away but I have obligations.

I just wish I could rewind a day. When things were going good.

I've been in this place before. Many times. I've heard the same things. Many times. When do I start believing it? When do I take it serious?

I'm the one who is mad. PISSED to be honest! Yet, I ask myself....."Why am I the one stressing? Why am I the one with butterflies?"

I don't want to do anything. I just don't have the energy. I feel weak. This overwhelming feeling of stress is too much.

All I can do is pray for God's help. I just need to continue to have Faith that HE will help me through this.....again. He always does. Yet, here I am again. Apparently I haven't learned the lesson I'm suppose to learn.

I know life isn't easy. I just wish I had less trials than I'm dealing with right this moment. Such a wonderful time of year becomes so tainted by every day life and trials. Always during the holidays.


Sweet Tea said...

This sounds like a problem without an easy answer. I'm really sorry you are "there again". I've been reading you long enough to know that you are strong and smart and both these traits will serve you well while you work through things. I'm thinking about you and praying things are better soon. Email me anytime if you want to "talk". Sometimes a blog friend who is far away makes a good sounding board. <<< HUGS >>>

Amarie said...

It's only temporary, Kimmy. I know in thise moments, it's the hardest thing to believe but it really is. Think of the last time you felt this way, and what happened to bring you out of it. I often forget to remind myself of that saying, "the will of God will never take you, where the grace of God will not protect you." (Wanna smile? Your catcha word is "sharing" lol) Perfect, right?

Sweet Tea said...

I'm stopping by to check on you, Kimmy. I sure hope today has been better. I've all sorts of scenarios in my mind as to what could be wrong, but whatever it is, I am praying for you.