Monday, October 5, 2009

I will turn to God.

I have an imperfect marriage. Don't we all, right?! Well, I've been with my husband for 16 yrs and well.....it's been imperfect the whole time. Needless to say, I've needed an ear to be lent and a shoulder to cry on this whole time.

This weekend I was thinking though. It was difficult too cause as lonely as I may feel about this, I feel even more lonely when I have to spill my heart out to those I love for the last 16 yrs and am now starting to hear a diffence in them. Almost like a "not this again" tone. To them I'm sure it just sounds like "blah blah blah" cause it's always the same thing being said. I just feel like I'm burdening my loved ones with my issues and I don't want that.

The other thing is, when my husband and I are dealing with our "imperfect" marriage, it always happens late at night. I am not about to wake up my loved one(s) just to spill out the same ol' same ol' nonsense, so I refrain from doing so. Instead, I leave and park in a parking lot and think, cry and avoid calls from the hubby. Sometimes, I'll answer them only to tell him that I left so I don't have to hear the "nonsense".

I contemplated on posting this but I just felt like I needed to get this off my chest. I have decided to just turn my problem over to God and let him handle it for me. I can talk to HIM and he'll listen. He'll help me in ways that only HE can help me......and I'm truly grateful for that! Why? Because it is HIM that will help us with our marriage and get it the way it was meant to be because honestly, my husband and I are awesome together...minus this "nonsense".


9 comments:

lagirl/sweet tea said...

This type of "nonsense" really hurts, or you wouldn't be parked somewhere in the middle of the night crying. I'm so sorry. Really. Marriage is such hard work sometimes. Anyway you two could see a counselor? My son is seeing a very good one and it is helping him immensly. Do turn to God, but remember that he often puts people in our path to help us along. ((HUGS))

Crafty Girls Workshop said...

Hi Kimmy,
Saw your comment right before mine on the SITS rollcall and thought I'd stop by. You know what? It must have been fate because I think I know almost EXACTLY how you feel! I've been with my husband since 1994 but we've only been married 5 years. If you want to chat sometime, let me know, I'd be happy to listen to your sorrows, as long as you'll listen to mine! Catch ya later!

Anna

{Diamond} said...

I guess people tend to think that the nonsense can't be that bad if you're still there, when little do they know what you really deal with. Only you really know if that's true. I hope everything gets better. (((hugs))).

Summer said...

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Marriage is indeed incredibly hard....

I have an awesome book that I'm reading now, you should look into it.

It's called Sacred Marriage.

And you know, we're all always here!

Denise said...

Girlfriend...I think I understand what you are going through! Our lives are oddly similar. I want you to know that at ANY time day or night you can pick up that phone and sob/yell/scream or bitch to me!!! I will always be there for you! Always!

I love you and when I get back from Oregon let's get together for lunch and bitch! Lord knows i will need to as well!!!

Trina said...

Wow...are you writing about my life?? I feel ya sister! And I can understand the people that you usually turn to making you feel like "oh just that again" I've done it for 20 years. But as "imperfect" its been...its always been worth it!
Love ya girl, stay strong!

Yaya said...

I'm sorry.


Infertility and pregnancy loss have put a huge burden on my marriage. Josh and I went to couples therapy and it was great but we realized we were better off if we both did individual therapy. We're able to then work through our issues as a couple once we spend time working through our issues as individuals.

Gypsy Lala said...

Hi Kimmy, Join My meme here.

LarryG said...

lifting a prayer for y'all...