Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Prayers needed...

I'm not sure if I've told you this but I stress. I stress way too much too. In fact, I've been told by several people that they are surprised I don't have ulcers.

Now, I know I've said how much family means to me. My family is everything to me and when I hear of any problems or illnesses, I start to stress. In fact, the one thing I do not like about myself is I always, and I mean always think the worse. I get these horrible visions in my head of going to my loved ones funeral. Morbid, right? I can't stand that about me. I took after my dad with this. I wish I could be an optimist when it comes to family. Heck, when it comes to anything else, you can call me that....Kim, The Optimist! Put family in the equation, forget it. I love my family and I'm scared to death to lose one of them. That's my greatest fear, to lose a loved one. There, I said it!

So now that you have a glimpse into my personality, you'll understand how I've been feeling the last several days.

My brother, Bobby is a smoker. He's been smoking off and on since he was 14 yrs old. He's now 37 yrs old. He also has this horrible cough from smoking. It's bad. Nothing I've ever heard from anyone else. It's not that regular smoker cough either. It's scares me everytime I hear him cough like that too. He has put on some weight too because he doesn't eat healthy. He eats a lot of fried foods & fast food. He has really bad heartburn that he's had to be put on medication. He also gets migraines (just like my mom and I). To make it worse, when he was born, he had a hole in his heart plus other complications. I love my brother but I don't see a healthy person right now. I constantly bug him to quit smoking and to eat better. I know, I know...wrong thing to do. I know I shouldn't nag him but I'm just really worried. He's my brother and again, I'm afraid to lose him.

So, a couple weeks ago the Patrick Swayze interview was on and it got my parent's worried about my brother and his smoking and eating habits. They expressed their concern to me about him as I did to them. It was brought to my brother's attention and so his wife made an appointment to see the doctor. He went in last week and had chest x-rays done. When the doctor got them back, my brother was notified that something showed up near his aorta so the doctor said he wants to do a CAT scan on him. They just needed to get clearance from his insurance to do so.

Now, after I heard this I instantly started stressing. Those horrible visions popped into my head and imagining my life without my brother. I have a hard time as it is with death when it's a close family friend or acquaintance but for it to be someone as close to me as my own sibling?! I don't know if I could handle that. Just thinking and typing about it is about to bring me to tears.

*Sigh* OK, let's move on. A little bit ago I picked my daughter up from school and then decided to go to the store to pick up dinner. My brother works at the store and he was there. When I saw him he asked if I had talked to mom and I told him earlier this morning I did. I asked why, did he have any news. He said that my mom had news from her doctor regarding him. Apparently when my mom went to see her doctor today, at the end of the visit she asked "What does it mean if there is fatty tissue near the aorta?" The doctor's response, "Ew, not good. It could be blockage." Blockage such as an aortic aneurysm. *SIGH* Here I go again, thinking the worse. I'm so scared and keep praying that everything will be just fine. Everything has to be fine!

I've also noticed a difference in my demeanor because of this stress I'm feeling and I don't like it. At one point when I was driving home from the store, I felt like I was suffocating from the stress. I'm also realizing that I don't have any patience with my daughter right now and it's just not fair to her.

So, I need to ask you guys a really big favor. If you are the praying type, would you please pray for my brother? I would so greatly appreciate it!!! I know prayer works. God always answers my prayers and I have faith in him. When we have financial stress, I pray and he answers. God is good, I know that. The only thing is, when it comes to my loved ones, I fail to be strong. I need the help and the extra prayers to get me through this.

I will keep you all updated. He goes in for his CAT scan on Monday so I'll try not to stress too much until then (yeah, right!).


Young Momma said...

Aww, Kim! I know exactly what your talking about. I stress that way too, but about everything. Anything I had no control over, it's enough to throw me into a week long panic attack. I can't breath, I can't sleep, my kids pay for it with my mood swings, it's AWFUL.

I do hope your brother will be fine. Also - along with the prayers for your brother - try praying about yourself. I pray every night that my anxiety and stress levels can be lowered. Something to help me cope with day to day life. For my health, for my kids sake, etc.

The Wife O Riley said...

I am so sorry you are going through this. Just remember, you don't know anything until the test come back.

I know how easy it is to let your stress and imagination run away with you but treat it like a trial. Healthy until proven sick.

Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.

Yaya said...

Oh wow, very very stressful. I'm sorry you are going through this right now. I hope the best for your brother and that this is 'nothing' and that it will *hopefully* 'scare' him into getting healthy.

"Give your stress wings and let it fly" -Carin Hartness

Diamond said...

I know how you're feeling. Really. Any time my daughter forgets to call when she's running late, any time I leave my baby in someone else's care, any time it has to do with my family, I worry. To the point where, like you, I get the craziest, most morbid thoughts running through my head. it's almost like a feeling of drowning. What I also found coincidental is that my hubby's nickname is Bobby, he's a smoker, and 39. He just went for a long overdue check-up, and found, so far, that his blood pressure and cholesterol are high. He has more tests coming up. He's not a good eater and a BIG stressor. I told him it was time to get himself checked out. And, if it's any more coincidental, my nephew was born with a hole in his heart, also.
But nonetheless, it's so good that your brother heeded everyone's advice and went to see the doctor. Thank God for modern medicine and the fact that there's so much that can be done to help him. That doesn't mean you shouldn't worry, but just not to the point where you make your own self sick. I am definitely the praying kind, and I will say a prayer for your brothet.

Trina said...

We will be your strength! And yes you should nag him!! That is your job as a sister, nag, nag, nag until he listens!! I will for sure pray for him and for you...try not to stress, I know way easier said than done..but it will not help him if you are sick and he needs you! Keep your chin up and if you need anything...PLEASE...Lean on me!

The Adventures of France & Deirdre said...

You got it Kimmy! My dad is still smoking heavily and has that same cough. It scares me and my family. He is having major health issues as well!

Kristen said...

So sorry to hear about your brother. I will definately keep him and your family in my thoughts and prayers!

Stesha said...

Kimmy don't stress, because stress isn't good either.

I will make sure that I pray for your brother.

hugs and mocha,

Ms. Cupcake said...

Dropping by from sits. Prayers coming your way. Best wishes.

3 Bay B Chicks said...

So sorry to hear about your brother, Kimmy. Always a near impossible task to keep from worrying/stressing about those who we love so much.

I'll definitely be keeping you and your family in my thoughts!


Denise said...

TONS of prayers being said! Keep yourself well right now. As Trina says - no sense in making yourself sick - he may need you!

AND it may turn out to be nothing. IF it is something - blockages can be fixed with out-patient surgery believe it or not! (Depending how bad it is)

I know how much family means to you - we are SOOOOOOOOOO alike in that way so just know I am here if you need to lean on me! I am sending BILLIONS of prayers right now and holding you guys so close in my thoughts and prayers!

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