Monday, July 11, 2011

Is It Meant To Be?

The infamous question keeps finding it's way back into our lives lately.

"When are you guys going to have another one?"

This question has been filtering in and out of my life now for the past 8 yrs but the wants and desires have been a mix-matched box full of pros & cons....

"I want another one but I'm afraid I'm gonna miss something with Nuggy."

"I want another one cause I miss Nuggy being a baby and how cute babies are."

"I want another one but we are at a point where we can just up and go on vacations now."

"I want another one cause I always wanted to have two."

"I want another one but Nuggy can go on (just about) all the rides now."

"I want another one cause I want Nuggy to have a sibling like I do. Especially when we "go", she'll have someone."

"I want another one but it will cost more to go on vacation, which in turn may limit our vacations."

"I want another one cause Nuggy wants a sibling also."

"I want another one but we really need to find insurance that covers maternity."

"I want another one cause I would love to experience pregnancy again."

"I want another one but I'm getting nervous about my age."

"I want another one but having to deal with the headache of having the grandparents watch the baby was a headache even when Nuggy was a baby."

With all these pros and cons, my husband made this proposition to me the other day...

"We can have another kid if you agree that if it's a boy, I can name him Gunner."


Let me just say right now, this name was never my idea, nor am I going to allow my child to be named this. When I was pregnant with Nuggy, we decided to not find out what we were going to have. We had already had her name picked out but we were having issues with the boys name. From the get go, my husband wanted the name Gunner. I said NO! So then we were thinking of Daniel Tyler but then my husband at the last moment decided not on that name and that thought making him (if it was a him) a 3rd since my husband is a Jr. Still, I didn't care for his name either, which he already knew. Maybe that's terrible of me but I should also have some sort of agreement in this since I AM the one bearing the child.

Anyways, the whole time I was pregnant, my MIL and SIL, knowing I hated (yes, hated!) the name Gunner, would then call my "belly" Baby Gunner. Pissing off a hormonal, pregnant woman is not the best thing to do.

So, I'm sure you can see why NOW I am absolutely adamant about still not naming my child Gunner. It would be as if they won, at least that is how they would think, anyway.

I did however, agree to the middle name being Gunner. I was not about to take that away from him. Even though I agreed to that, I still don't know if anything will come of this. I mean, technically there ARE more "cons" then "pros". The way I look at it is, God will allow such a miracle into our lives.....only if it's meant to be. :o)

Still a little bittersweet about it all though.


Nikki B. said...

oh wow...that's a tough one. not trying to sway you, i swear. however, you don't want to have any regrets. you will NEVER regret having another baby. the words, "we never shoulda had that second one" will never cross your lips, or into your head for that matter. but, you might say, "i wish we'd had one more" if you don't. good luck with the decision. you guys are so amazing to that girl of yours...another kid luck enough to have you guys as a family...well, gunner'd be one lucky kid! ;) yanking your chain. not a fan of the name either!

Amarie said...

I sooo agree with Nikki B.! You can say I regretted we missed that vacation to Atlantis, but your own child will NEVER make you say you regretted having him/her! Honestly sounds like you're enjoying your freedom now, and seem reluctant to give that up. Believe me when I say I know what starting over is like. There's 10 years between my middle child and my youngest! Do I miss sleeping in all the time, coming and going as I like, not having an independent child who can do things without my help all the time - heck yeah! But I wouldn't trade it for the world!Besides, she'll get bigger one day, too, and I'll be able to enjoy those times again. Just as your family will be able to enjoy all the things you do now, except with an extra person on board. :-)