I am writing to you because of the discovery my husband found yesterday. You know what I'm talking about. Had you been watching and waiting? It just seems kind of funny how you knew just which mailboxes you should tamper with in order to get the treasures that didn't belong to you. That's right! We think we know who you are. As we had the police here writing up the police report, you got into your vehicle avoiding our direction. You, knowing some houses in the area are vacant only meant no mail would be arriving for those houses. So you knew only too well that there was no need in breaking into all the mailboxes.
I know my husband hadn't checked the mail in a few day, something he has definitely learned from now, thanks to YOU! What was it you wanted so badly? Our bank statements? Sorry, we already received one and the other you were a day late...Too Bad! Or was it our Christmas cards? Hoping that we would have received some sort of cash or gift cards for your spending pleasure? Sorry, we usually don't get that stuff in the mail. What was it you wanted so bad? If you didn't find it, put my mail back you SCROOGE!!!
I not only feel completely violated by this selfless act of yours but now, we had to take matters into our own hands. Now we have realized that people like you are only going to start to come out of the woodwork more now that the economy is going down. I guess I otta thank you?? Why you ask? Because of you, we have now got ourselves an alarm system to avoid being anymore vulnerable. So....THANK YOU!! Now.......PUT MY MAIL BACK!!!!
A irritated, yet "less vulnerable" citizen